to find inner peace and wisdom to deal with all the negative that comes my way.
I am not a happy person I haven't been happy since my father was shot and killed ten years ago. I just have been dealing with my sadness day to day aimlessly. I do not know what can make me happy again. I have tried religion and scripture but that only raises more questions and deepens my depression. Am I crazy if I want to know more then the teachings that were passed down to us? life is a great school were we are constantly learning but what happens when one gets tired of the harsh lessons? I get angy but I am not really violent, I love to help others but get frustrated easly. I have many flaws and I don't really want to put the effort to change. I lost my joy 10years ago and I want to find my way to that inner peace but why do I crave that I don't understand how,why,where, what, and when. The world is tuff and it is getting tuffer ! BE Well all find what gives you joy and and do your best not to lose it.

I noticed I dislike many things and disapprove of a whole lot everyday situations in life. I have been working hard on my music career but I have not made that hit record yet. After my latest blog “tears from heaven” My brother asked me have I ever thought of pursuing a writing career. I told him no but I do like to write on my blog and I have been praying for days along with a lot of soul searching for my inner talent. I have some doubt about writing and my ability to have people read and enjoy my stories. When I write from the heart and really take my time out of love to express the emotion in me I paint a vivid picture with words. But then I will look at Whit’s whittlings, Couch talk by Azron, and midnight, me and the blues by Cracker I am impressed and want to be as good as them. I am happy the illumination guy introduced me to blogstream where I meet a lot of good people. I remember my encounter with the illumination guy; it was on April of 2006 he walked into the store I worked in under the AT&T stint. He was a very animated fellow with a problem with the speed of his laptop internet connection. I assisted him with the problem at first I thought it was human error. When he explained the situation of loosing the connection not getting e-mail and other things I jokingly said you sure the government is not tapping your signal. He laughed and we began to create small talk as I usually do in order to by time when I am presented with an issue I cannot resolve for a customer. I don’t really know how we got into this but I ended up showing him how to find the word mason on the one dollar bill. We talked and he said some thing very interesting to me he believes I am a key piece to a puzzle in his endeavors. Because it was a little to close of a coincidence that we had the same ideals of the way things were. He then introduced me to blogstream and we began to share our blogs and ideas. I tend to be one for the change which is explained in the book of revelations as he is doing his best to inform people into changing the outcome of impending doom. After that I decided to walk another path one that would help me find the “me” that I am. I just thought before I can change the world I have to know who I am. It is written that everyone has a talent within them. I am striving to find my talent. I started working at the age 17 I am now 27 and I have worked 12 part-time jobs in that time frame. All my friends asked me why do I switch jobs like a pair of underwear for? I tell them all the same thing I had a deep feeling that this job was just not for me. They laugh and say you were only there for 6 months, which was true the most time I ever spent at one job was 2 years. And that was AT&T I did 2 years quit worked for t-mobile quit and went back to AT&T for 2 years and well you know. I am a complex person I do not like waking up early in the morning, I don’t like the fact I have to be somewhere at a designated time, and I don’t like being accused. All these were the main traits of my previous work experiences and this is what made me quit. Many of time before I left a job I would rally many employees behind me as if I was leading a revolution against corporate America. I have been called militant and a radical idealist. To me I am just and artist a dreamer of a better work environment for all. Many say it is because I am working part time jobs I am not working on my profession. I told them that I don’t know what profession I want; I just want a good job. My bro told me well pray ask God to guide you so I did and I am still unsure of what it is I am good at and could in turn work in it as a profession. My friends from high school and I created a band and make music hoping one day to enter the music industry .During school I was always and A student when it came to my writing classes. I never even really tried hard to write a good essay, I could write one in the matter of minutes and get and A without trying. I wrote many essays that received top honors but shrugged it off as if I wasn’t really interested in such accolades. I wrote many short stories about my life and characters I created which represent me overcoming hardships I have endured. Then I started to hangout with a lot of girls due to being a basketball star in high school. I stopped writing and began parting like a rock star which blinded me. I did not see that later in life I would be wondering what if. I should have structured my life yes the death of my father did take me in a downward spiral but I moved on a little, The one question that remains is am I good enough to write on the level of movie script writers, novel writers, and short story writers. What do you guys think? I am not as good as i was and I am out of practice.

Do you remember the movie back to the future? It was based in the year 1987 and the main characters traveled to the year 2000; were flying cars and hover boards are the way of transportation. Look at us now we are in the year 2008 and we are struggling to make a better way of life. This is amazing how things have changed in our views and lives.
The generation before mine is the leaders of corporate America. They are the ones who believe that they can strive to make more money for the company. These yuppies made a lot of money using the stock market and the internet and now have nothing to show for it but material possessions and major scandal. Think about this transition America was known for being innovative and reliable in boosting jobs and the economy. Now America is known for big business and being leaders of the free world. Our great nation has strived to be number one in the world in military power, Business, and science. Now I don’t mind being number one but I noticed we forgot something along the way quality. Would you rather go to Johnson and sons’ hardware store that has been in Pleasantville America for years or the new Wal-Mart that just developed in the outskirts of town? Johnson and son’s was a great place and they had the store in our little town America for over 15 years. Wal-mart is cheaper and has more parts, electronics, and tools then that old hardware store sorry old man Johnson. I remember watching a documentary stating that Americas growing industries strive to provide the people with the best products and a guarantee to make your life a little easier. Our leaders have turned a blind eye to all the in house kinks just to get elected. Insurance companies support senators and congressmen, which leads to unfair prices and stipulations in the peoples policies. Big Business develops rebates in order to promise you something and not deliver by saying you didn’t fill out the form correctly or the check was lost in the mail. All companies have a team of people brainstorming on how to beat last weeks numbers and generate more sales. They outsource many jobs to other countries in order to pay less and not offer any benefits. The justice system is easily influenced by a certain few who have the finances to buy freedom and justice. The peoples’ cry has fallen on deaf ears lately we are know noticing a ego driven popularity contest when we are all in need of change. From all the promises of a fantastic future were our imaginations can deliver a world changing idea. Hover cars were not made, instead we are trying to be the first on Mars and launch satellites that can monitor anywhere on the earth. We don’t have robots doing our bidding instead we are trying to find a more efficient way to conserve energy. We do not have easy space travel program for commercial use, instead we are launching satellite after satellite into space to monitor earth and yet we still took a long time to acknowledge greenhouse gas and global warming. If this is the outcome of a future promised o my generation what is the outcome of a future that is not promised to the next generation?

I was on a date this past weekend with a very lovely young lady, who I believe could be a good match for me or maybe not. I took her to Red lobster in the nicest part of town forgetting that we are in a recession and I “have no job”. I foolishly told her order what you would like money is no object. I inurned ordered the appetizers with a tall drink of water. I played it off as if I am on a low carbohydrate diet she was none the wiser.
Later on throughout this date the regular interview questions such as profession, background, likes and dislikes. The most interesting quest that was asked was from her, she asked me what I consider an ideal relationship. I paused for a minute and responded two people together working as one to move forward in life with love and support. She was impressed with the answer I then asked what is your Ideal relationship?
She told me it would be a new age relationship of two entrepreneurs striving to better themselves financially and socially. At this point I thought to my self if this girl is serious and really good in business I can begin my life as a gigolo. I would let her get that money and stay home all day lifting weights to keep myself in shape as eye candy for her. Just kidding I wouldn’t do something like that I don’t really like lifting weights all day.
I then told her that she forgot to mention love in the relationship which is a key to any relationships working. She told me “the love will be there but we should strive to keep the finances a non issue in the relationship by being focused together on one common goal” Now I feel as if this conversation just got interesting. I agreed that money issues can really cause “relationship strains” but many people make the best of hard time through love and understanding.
Her rebuttal was “that is because they accepted the lemons life gave them”. I said they made lemonade; she said “they should have made it and sold it”. With such a display of entrepreneurship going on I asked her about her spiritual side and she told me that she is a “God fearing woman” third generation Roman Catholic girl. (Since she told me hers I told her mine…lol) She wanted me to know that she separates religion and everyday life. Now I am a little freaked out, if you read my precious blogs you would know I tend not to trust words such as “God Fearing” and I am anti-big business.
With all discomfort I continued the date why because men do things they don’t want when they like a girl. I displayed two scenario questions that would determine should I proceed with my courting of this young lady. The question was as follows would you rather have a husband who is a workaholic or a husband who is a good father to your children and instills good family values? Her answers were as follows would you like a wife who is a career woman or are you looking for a housewife? Then I said with a slight squeak in my voice I asked you first. She laughed and said “I would rather not have children and be married to a man who can balance work and our relationship the same way I am willing to do”.
With a huge smile I answered her question stating I love children but not for me, I would rather be married to a woman who is career orientated but enjoys life more then work. She say she finds my answer very intriguing and wants me to elaborate a little more on the enjoying life more. I told her that I am one who gets really stressed out when I work all day and play very little. If I were to label my self I would be a non substance abusing hippie. I told her my views on the whole corporate life and the disadvantages of being in such an environment.
At this time she is a little turned off by my responses and views. I reminded her how sexy I looked by stretching my arms out to call for the waiter and flexed my muscle causing my shirt to accidentally rip. Okay that didn’t really happen we left the restaurant and went for a romantic walk on the beach that night. It really wasn’t all that romantic I hate sand in between my toes and salt water is not really good for my skin. We continued our talks while walking and holding hands like high school teenagers in the 60s all that was missing was the song “earth angel”.
We both realize that we are not really compatible with each other do to our views. But there is an attraction that we are both willing to explore. But not will to pursue such an endeavor in the long run. We both agreed to be causal friends and date every one in a while until we find the right match. I hope you enjoyed this little story, I know the ending was a little anticlimactic but in my opinion this might not be an ending. What do you think?

Should Hilary withdraw? Obama is ahead by a large margin but Hialry thinks she is better for the job then Obama and Obama thinks he is better. I feel Al Gore is Better then the both of them he actually cares about humanity and the earth. We are looking at MCcain as our new president should this persist. be prepared for a hard recession if that comes to past.